Conventional Results

Conventional Results

Re-post of our founder's Facebook post last week:

 

Bucket list item complete: bend the bar 💪🏼


Today I’m reflecting on how far I’ve come in the last year. I’ve lamented often these past few months how much of my “progress” has been negated with COVID. And it’s definitely got me down more times than I can count.

 

It’s easy to look at this and keep score and chalk it against yourself every week, so I need to make something clear: I am barely surviving (this is purely for authenticity and not a call for sympathy - I’m okay, I promise).

 

I’m meditating & journaling daily plus doing Bible study, exercising 5-6 days a week, going to bed at 9 pm most nights, maintaining my sobriety, eating relatively clean (not dieting, I have lots of food allergies), going to therapy 1-2 hours a week, cutting out what I can, reading instead of binge watching TV, taking frequent breaks, letting my husband do most of the cooking & grocery/supply procurement, reaching out to my support system, showering daily in grace, and I’m *still* gaining weight, having anxiety attacks, having massive depression spells and struggling most days.

 

But I’m also making progress.

 

If this sounds obsessive, it’s not done or practiced from that place. These are all things I have no choice but do in order to give myself a fighting chance to be a wife / mom / business owner / contributing member of society, living with mental illness during extremely stressful times. I’m incredibly lucky that I *get* to manage my illness, during a time when suicide rates are on the rise amidst all the devastation we’re witnessing.

 

I share all of this because (1) we need to normalize mental health and therapy and asking for help; it is okay to be struggling and no one should suffer alone; and (2) we need to understand that it is possible to do everything “right” and still not “see” conventional results - so stop guilting and punishing yourself - and (3) embrace the results you *are* seeing and celebrate the crap out of them because conventional results are lies.

 

Treading water IS progress, especially when the alternative is drowning. Joy can be found in pain, especially when numbness is all that’s previously known.

 

So yeah, I bent the bar today, remembering a year ago I was buried in a bottle, and I’m gonna f*cking celebrate it because even though times are hard this is the first time in my life when I’ve faced hardship and not sunk. And *that* is progress.

 

Wherever you might be, whatever you’re feeling and facing, let yourself off the hook.

 

If you need to ________, then do it (granted it’s legal & safe.) Refuse to wear guilt and shame.

 

Give yourself permission to be where you are.

 

Do the best you can and apologize if you must.

 

Reach out (my DM’s are always open). Text the crisis line at 741741 (it’s programmed in my phone). I highly recommend finding Jesus.

 

Definitely stop looking around and comparing yourself to the picture perfect propaganda you’re probably seeing as you scroll the News Feed. You’re doing better than you think, and there is no award at the end of this for who did it “best.” Especially if you’re burying yourself to get there. Surviving is the crown; not I nor anyone else is the standard.

 

You matter.
❤️
You are worthy.
❤️
You are loved.
❤️
You are enough.
❤️
Keep going.
❤️

Oh, and please wear a mask. 🤟🏼

-Jennette Holzworth, 5:17 Founder



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