Outcome-based Living



I’m competitive.


Now, there’s few who know this as well as my brother and my husband – the former, who endured years of ever-changing rules and regulations that proved advantageous to me in board games and such; the latter, who cringes when I suggest a competitive pastime.  


I don’t know how it started or how it became so entrenched in my being, but my need to be the best and excel at everything I try is a black mark on my existence. So tied is my worth and value to what I can do – namely, produce – that I often miss out on what’s really important: the journey. Or, really, any enjoyment at all.


Recent months have been monumental in my progress in this arena, but it hasn’t been without conscious effort and diffusion.


Take foot golf, for example. My husband and I enjoyed a date night on the greens over the weekend, and let’s just say I thought it would be a shoe-in (pun intended.) Fifteen years of soccer under my belt should prove beneficial in emerging victorious. {Seriously – why can’t it just be a relaxing day out?!} I quickly found myself wanting to reenact the scenes from Happy Gilmore because the ball didn’t go to its home.


A lot of my progress has been because I’m finally hearing my own voice when I speak to clients and friends, and also being more mindful of how I would want my son and daughter to react in these situations. Certainly, not by throwing the ball into the crowd and punching Bob Barker, but with full enjoyment and bold pursuit of all they’re capable.


My friend told me last night she found the 5k she wanted to do – it’s in two months, but she’d sign up for next year’s event. I asked her why not this year? Because she’s running a 13-minute mile. What?! In an extended moms circle where 8- and 9-minute miles are the norm, she felt like she needed to be “better” before she threw her hat in the ring.


Outcome-based living. The idea that we must produce a certain metric for it to be worthwhile; a life boiled down to a list of “should haves;” the only measure of success being how we pit against another.


What could we achieve if we just boldly pursued our greatest right now, rather than waiting to be fully “ready” – you know, like abolishing the need to get into better shape before going to the gym.

It’s like not taking a shower until you’re clean enough, or waiting until you stop bleeding to go to the ER, or telling your preschooler they need to wait to go to school until they learn to read.


Perhaps it’s more of a pride thing.


We tie so much of our value to what we do, rather than to what we can experience. We don’t want to admit we need help for anything – but I’ve found when I changed that mantra in my own life, the results really started pouring in.


My challenge to you is this: stop waiting. Systematically purge from your psyche the idea that an


Adopt the mindset that success IS the journey itself.


It’s not the sub-nine-minute mile, but running the race.


It’s not losing 50 pounds, but creating a lifestyle that enables you to thrive with energy and confidence while marveling at your strength and resiliency.


It’s having a few bad rounds and ultimately losing at foot golf, but soaking in the sunshine and conversation and the sound vacuum created when the grandparents have your children.


Stop waiting until you’re “good enough.” Stop waiting until you’re “ready.” Quit chalking things up to “good” or “bad” and instead as fodder for future course planning.


The result of outcome-based living is years spent sitting on the bench, watching the action and the years fly by, without having anything to show for it.


A full, voluptuous life is one where caution is thrown to the wind and every experience is embraced with one of reckless abandon; being comfortable being uncomfortable. In my dream world, everyone experiences this. And I’d love to help you get started.

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